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The divorce and your child

People get divorced and there is no going around it. There are marriages that just do not work and that end in a divorce. One thing that is very important to understand about the effect a divorce has on a child is that it has s hug effect, an earth shattering effect even if it was the most mutual of divorces and the most elegant of divorces. Children, depending on their age see the divorce as a wrecking of the family that they were born into or as something that even might be their fault, as something that will challenge their idea of love and family. Of course, we are not saying that a couple should remain married just to avoid this as a bad marriage is always worse than a divorce. However, you need to be aware of the fact that a divorce is always a huge thing on a child.

The first thing that you have to do is make sure that the child feels loved. They need to understand that the divorce changes nothing in the way you treat them, see them, talk to them or love them. You need to ensure that your child understands that the divorce is of no reflection on them and that they are involved in that divorce mostly as a spectator. You also need to let them know that their life will not change that much due to the divorce.

The next thing to remember is that you must never badmouth your spouse, no matter what you actually feel towards them and what you think about them. There is nothing more detrimental for the child of the divorced parents than the parents trying to settle their squabbles and issues through their children. This can lead to myriad problems down the road and this can truly damage the child’s ability to fall in love and see the members of other gender as their potential companions.

One must also make sure that they do not overcompensate for the fact that they are getting divorced. We have all seen those cases in which the child of the divorced parents is taking advantage of them and getting themselves all kinds of stuff just because they can and just because they think their parents are trying to buy their love. Do not ever do that. Your child needs to understand that the same relationship between them and you is maintained throughout the divorce and that they should not take advantage of you. If you can do this, you should also try and seek some help from your child, even if it is just for a show. Let them be the one to console you. It will toughen them and it will make them feel important. Of course, do not overdo it. Do it subtly.

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